It's been a while since I wrote here. Secretly, i wanted to try and reclaim the pieces of my life, shortly after returning from Edmond's washington, where I underwent a distinctive, therapeutic month, of working and missing all my friends. All that time, i faced some nagging questions about myself, and my Father, my relationship to my Grandparents, but i was never sure if any of it, was utterly me. When I came back, I continued to feel as if it was utterly me. I felt lost and abandoned, to a place, that I felt had promised me more than I had achieved. I felt broken, and my return was less than spectacular, it was a return to little or no money, which felt like God had abandoned me, for I wanted to put so many things into a new order, but I couldn't pay rent.
The second thing I felt was that I had let my mother down again, moneywise, and I was unhappy. My relationship to Hollie began to disintigrate and I continued to feel as if there was no answer to a returning, nagging depression that could easily take over me. All of this was in relation to an unhappiness i felt--my world was different, and so I moved out,and then, I lost Hollie. Hollie and I were no more, not inthe way that I once rememered, so, the truth of the matter is, the banner you see aove will have to change. All of this was hard and the future looked dim. There will be more soon, because at I have just started to pull things together and write again.
More indeed soon.
